A new sleep routine
For the past three weeks, I have started going to bed before 10 PM and waking up at 5:30 AM. It may sound strange, but by 8:45 PM, it feels almost like it’s already 11 PM. I find myself at a loss for what to do, and my mind, accustomed to late-night distractions without remorse, begins to search for something to occupy itself: a video game, concert videos from bands I follow, an online course to continue, videos to edit, music to record, my online profiles to manage, or something to compulsively purchase from an online store.
Yet, as time passes, I realize that all of this stems from a hollow sense of rebellion and pride that prevents me from accepting that my life, in essence, culminates in these 17 hours of wakefulness and 7 hours of sleep. Now, I have one advantage compared to two weeks ago when I would wake up at 6:45 AM and go to bed, at best, around midnight, often even after 1 AM. The difference is that I now try not to put the cart before the horse; when I am genuinely tired, I go to bed early. I wake up early, feeling rested and able to start the day by doing something I enjoy, even if it’s just for an hour, before heading to work. I still need to adjust to the timing and the habit, but my mood has improved significantly: I am no longer constantly weighed down by mental fatigue. Of course, it happens and will happen again, but for now, I feel at peace.
Who knows, with the new year, I might be able to use my early wake-up time to engage in physical activity once or twice a week. I want to establish good habits not because I want to feel invincible or out of fear of my fragility, but perhaps because "a sound mind in a sound body" is truly valid. That’s how I felt three years ago when I was still jogging regularly. Change is possible, but it is always more complicated than it seems before we embark on it, and if it appears too complicated in one way, it ultimately turns out to be complicated in a way we hadn’t anticipated.